Make a Date With Your Money
By Nicole Williams
You have a living, breathing relationship with your money. And just as any great relationship relies on trust, respect, honesty, commitment and sharing, so does the way you interact with your cash. If you were to take a poll of every financially successful person you know, the one common denominator you'd discover is that they spend quality time with their cash.
Sound complicated? It's not. What I'm suggesting here is that you and your bank statements sit down over a soda and cranberry for some quality time together. Start today and mark this as your anniversary. Pay your bills. Make a budget, then analyze how your spending stacks up against that budget. Go through all your credit card statements and major transactions. Set financial goals for yourself and create a roadmap to get you there.
But remember, while your anniversary date may be where you explore your long-term plans it's the way you relate to your money day-to-day that makes all the difference. Your money relationship requires commitment, communication and ongoing effort. Ever notice how little squabbles with your boyfriend can eventually blow up into a full-on fight? The same goes for your money. Take care of the details and you'll be looking at a long, happy future together. Here are the essential elements you need for a great relationship with your cash.
Have a coupon in your purse but you're too embarrassed to pull it out? Walk past a quarter but you're too lazy to pick it up? Don't ask for a discount for fear of being perceived as cheap? Tip 15% even in the face of awful service? These are just a few of the ways we disrespect money. If you want to create a better relationship with your money, respect it.
I was attending a workshop a couple of years ago where we were asked to look at some of the challenges in our life and to examine our true intentions. I decided to consider my financial life. After an honest exploration of the question, it hit me that my intention was to look rich. I was choosing to buy the Fendi bag (to look like I had money) rather than putting the cash on my credit card (to actually have money). I was a bit taken aback and embarrassed by this revelation, but if I hadn't been honest with myself, I would be living in the same cycle of financial delusion.
Your relationship with money thrives on honesty. You need to think through, very honestly, what money means to you and ask yourself what your intentions are toward your money. You need to face your financial situation – truthfully. And most importantly, you need to be upfront about what you have and what you don't have with the rest of the world. More than anything else, the intention to look rich will prevent you from actually being rich.
Just like anything worth having, your relationship with money requires work and commitment. One of the "relationship-with-money" issues I see most often is laziness. "I can't be bothered to do my expenses tonight. I can't hit that 401K presentation after work, I've got a date. My bank is another block away, so I'll use this ATM."
Financial success requires commitment and hard work. Buck up.
Sometimes, our relationship with money looks like a one-way street. "I'm doing all the work" is an exasperated whine I hear regularly. It's not true. If you're working for your money, you have to trust that your money is working for you – even if it doesn't always look that way. Just like any long standing relationships, there are will be hard times. Times when you wonder if it's worth it. Times when you wonder if your "partner" is deserving of your time and commitment. Maybe you're following all the rules and you're still going through financial hard times. You're saving to buy an apartment. You're investing in your business and taking a meager paycheck. Trust that with a solid foundation, this is a relationship that will work out for the best.
I'm going to tell you a story that I don't think even I would believe if I hadn't experienced it myself. I was at the hardest financial point in my professional life. I was dollars away from bankruptcy. Walking out of the bank, I found myself face-to-face with a man strumming a guitar with his open case empty of change. Our eyes met, and I felt compelled to share what I had.
I walked into a meeting, turned off my cell phone and didn't think any more about it. When I came out of my meeting, I turned on my phone to find a message that I had been awarded a six-figure contract. Did this change of fate occur because I had experienced a feeling of abundance in the face of scarcity? Who knows, but I've come to hear enough of these stories to know that the more you give, the more you get. It's the karma of all relationships and it's equally true of your bank account. Money is dynamic and it flows. You need to give it away to get it back in return.
These relationship tips are not just about you and your cash. They also apply to the people in your life who can help you invest, save and make more of your money. After you and your bankbook get cozy, it's time to introduce some others into the mix. Your boss, your banker, your accountant, even your family and friends if they've spotted you some cash – these are money relationships that need to be approached with the same level of respect, trust and honesty as you've just applied to your own financial situation.
